San Ildefonso fell to the loyalists. They say we need it back if we're to win the war. What will become of me when I fight in this battle? Mendoza said himself that we weren't ready for this kind of fighting. I've gone on the patrols and I've done drills but I learned nothing from them. All I know so far is how bad of a soldier I am. I can imagine Juan shooting me on "accident" as soon as I make a mistake. Then again if I make a mistake I have him or the loyalists to shoot me.
I can't even imagine what will happen in the streets of San Ildefonso. How will I be able to do any good for the revolution when I can't even bring myself to shoot at these stinking loyalist pigs! Of course I shot at them last night, but only because it was dark and I couldn't even see the soldiers. It was easy because he simply pulled the trigger and fired into the darkness. Aside from the screams of the soldiers it felt easy, and not like I was actually killing. This battle will be during the day. That means I'll know exactly what I'm doing when squeeze that trigger. I'll know exactly what's happening if a bullet from my weapon kills another human.
I can't even imagine what will happen in the streets of San Ildefonso. How will I be able to do any good for the revolution when I can't even bring myself to shoot at these stinking loyalist pigs! Of course I shot at them last night, but only because it was dark and I couldn't even see the soldiers. It was easy because he simply pulled the trigger and fired into the darkness. Aside from the screams of the soldiers it felt easy, and not like I was actually killing. This battle will be during the day. That means I'll know exactly what I'm doing when squeeze that trigger. I'll know exactly what's happening if a bullet from my weapon kills another human.
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